so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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