If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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