ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
