I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
