I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
