do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
