I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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