ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
