I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize