I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
