The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
