You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
