ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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