Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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