i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize