how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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