We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
