If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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