hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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