cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
