I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
