I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
