he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
