We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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