I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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