I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
