Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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