Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
