my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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