you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
