I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
