I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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