Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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