he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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