Its about making memories worth repressing
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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