So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
