a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize