remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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