I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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