Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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