I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
