There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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