Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Randomize