Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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