I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize