I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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