I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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