im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
