physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
