it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
