I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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