I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
