and i looked up. we had an audience...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
