and you said cock pushups were impossible
Everything about him screamed your future.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
