If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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