so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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