Only a mothe r could love this liver
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Randomize
