my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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