i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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