Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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