Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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