wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
