Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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